Adult children often face a role reversal with their parents as they mature. Eventually, the parents who raised them may require regular, even daily, support. The adult children of older adults may assume responsibility for basic caregiving matters.
They may move in with their parents or have their parents move in with them. They may even seek the legal authority to manage financial and medical matters on behalf of their parents. Doing so is a natural process that many families eventually undergo. Unfortunately, the transition from dependent to caregiver can strain family relationships. Adult siblings may find themselves fighting about caregiving matters related to their parents.
How can a family limit the possibility of disputes causing long-term damage to the bond between siblings?
Create a plan well in advance
The best time to prevent family conflict is before an issue arises. Siblings can sit down to talk with one another about what kind of support they can provide and what assistance their parents may eventually need. They can make arrangements among themselves regarding the practical and financial support needs of their parents. They can then discuss that arrangement with their parents, who can support that plan by creating or updating estate planning documents.
It is possible for the whole family to have a plan in place long before the parents need support. The aging parents can even establish documents in advance, such as durable powers of attorney, that can limit opportunities for conflict.
Recognize individual limits
Even those who have a strong sense of filial piety and responsibility toward their parents cannot sacrifice their marriages or their home equity to support their aging parents. Adult children need to identify their own limitations and be respectful of the limits that their siblings express.
They may need to have plans in place for working with professional caregivers. They may also need to set standards for when it may be necessary to look into a room in a nursing home. Ideally, the whole family can work cooperatively to plan for long-term care needs, including a parent’s potential future need to apply for Medicaid.
Addressing care standards, the allocation of responsibility among adult children, asset preservation and long-term care costs in advance can help prevent familial disputes about the care of aging parents. Older adults who create thorough estate plans and discuss their wishes with their families can often minimize the risk of conflicts that might otherwise arise due to their support needs.